As I was saying in my previous post, tuesday's appointment at the dentist really traumatised me again. I didn't realise it yesterday because I was focused on studying for proteonomics but now that proteonomics is over, I feel more vulnerable than ever. Thinking back, I feel violated or, for the lack of a better expression, mind-raped. Although Dr Alan Chan was really nice, I can't help but hate him. There is no way not to hate him. This is nothing personal against him, it's just that he is a dementor and I treasure my soul. I have utterly no idea how I am going to make myself go back for the scaling and polishing. Good luck to me. Sooner or later I will try to force myself to go.. for now, it's chocolates to fend of the dementor cold. Hopefully, this vulnerable feeling fades after a while.
Actually, I have to admit that the reason I feel violated is because I'm usually the victim who is dragged to the dementor and now, I am actually making myself go. I feel like I'm betraying myself. And the very fact that he is nice proves that not all dentists are evil which goes against what I have believe for the past 10 years.
Here's a wonderful picture to describe my mood:
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| The road ahead is long and many will not survive. Happy walking everyone~! |
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