Before I even finish the first scene, disaster strikes

Part of the reason why I started this blog is because my demons from 10 years ago have come to torment me. I am fighting the demons but it's hard and I feel a need to document every step of this on-going battle. My demons are basically my fear of the dentist.

When I was young, my parents were not very concerned about oral health so I had never been to a dentist until when I was 7 years old and there was a dental clinic with a full time dental nurse in my school. The first time I got onto that horrible chair, I had no idea what she was going to do to me and I was too scared to ask and it just got worse when she fixed some cavities without even telling me what she was doing. She wasn't gentle with me and it became a war between me and her. I resisted going to the dental clinic and she resorted to getting huge 12 year old boys to drag me from my classroom and she even roped in my mum to help. I was dragged there many times since then. My mum would hold me down and choke hold me until I open my mouth. The nurse would wave this thick string in front of my face and threaten to tie me down. This all happened when I was 7-9 years old. I lived in terror in those few years. The school dental service was free so my parents, despite my begging, refused to bring me to a private pediatric dentist. When I was 10, I put my foot down and just refused to go and threatened suicide if they dragged me. Eventually, after several near disasters, my parents realised that I was serious and they stop trying to drag me there. 

I am now 18 and I realise that I am no longer a child and no one will hold/tie me down but those traumatic experiences have scarred me. I cannot walk past a dental clinic without cringing and feeling the need to run away. I cannot say the word dentist out loud. And next Tuesday, I am finally going to have to go. Delaying will only make it worse and at least I am dragging 2 of my best friends with me. Pray for me and help me get through this alive. If I survive this, it will be one step closer to chasing away the demons.