The darkness has seeped deeper into my heart

I meant for this blog to be a documentation of my life in general but I find myself blogging whenever I am upset, particularly over dementors (i.e. dentists). A few months ago, I made the valiant effort to push of my demons by finding the best dementor possible in Singapore and going for a visit. I was supposed to follow up the consult with a scaling and polishing but guess what? I chickened out. So far, I still haven't gone back and my fear has increased so much such that I am cold sweating just by typing out this blog post. It seems like, far from banishing my fears, I have increased them.

Come my dear, come to me and let me eat your soul

What I regret now is that I did not consent to simply getting Dr Alan Chan get the scaling and polishing over and done with on the spot. I let my fear rule me for a moment and now I can't make myself face it again. Wonderful. I have exams coming up so I have no time to grapple with my demons. Dr Chan, if you ever read this post, however unlikely it may be, if you ever have another patient like me, push her to get whatever she needs done on the spot. The moment she leaves, chances are, she'll never come back. 

I plan to just focus on my exams first and deal with the demons later. I don't know how I am going to find in myself the courage to do this. Part of me suspects that my demons have become so much a part of me that I am reluctant to let them go.. sigh...